Who I am!
The next question then, is far harder to answer. What makes you happy?
You might say, watching TV, going out with friends, having a beer or a glass of wine. Going to a concert or sporting event or walking in the countryside. For some people it is helping others.
Obviously, I can’t speak for anyone else, but I did all those things for most of my adult life. Was I happy? Sometimes. And there’s the tricky part. I thought I was for most of the time.
You’ll hear people say well you gotta take the rough with the smooth, the ups with the downs, life ain’t always a bed of roses. And you believe it because it fits, it makes sense.
Things keep happening that you can’t avoid or are not ‘your’ fault. Life happens to you, and you get knocked from pillar to post.
I would suggest that the real key to being happy is growing. It is the responsibility of every living thing on this planet to grow. To become more, either for yourself or the species as a whole. If you take a look around you, everything is growing. All the plants that are around you are continually growing. We cut our grass and prune our shrubs and trees on a regular basis.
The sparrow flock around my feeder is continually growing. It has to, to maintain its size because there’s always something that wants to eat sparrow so that it too can grow.
The catch 22 is that you grow best when you are happy.
Everything in the countryside grows unconsciously and has little concept of self. Plants, as far as we know, are not aware of self and birds and animals do not have awareness of self to the same degree that we do.
Humans have awareness, perception, imagination, will and memory to a level that nothing else on this planet has. That is why we have built houses, computers and smart phones, aeroplanes, sent spaceships to other planets and explored much of this one.
How have we done this, or more importantly, why have we done this?
To put it simply, because we wanted to. We have the ability to generate an idea and then make it a reality. Everything you see around you exists because somebody dreamt it up and then made it happen.
The things we focus on we get. The difficulty is focusing on the things we actually want. We all want to be rich, but many of us focus on not having any money and that’s what we get.
We can choose what we think about, however its not easy. We can choose to be happy, but that’s not easy either. We can choose to be responsible for our own choices and decisions, that’s not easy either.
We can also choose to be happy. That’s easiest if you know exactly who you are.
So ‘who are you?’
Its different for everybody, but for me I first started to find out who I was when I stopped drinking alcohol.
I began to like myself, most of the time. Not just when I had blotted out any discontent. Those around me began to relax in my company and I was able to be a better person for them.
As my mind began to be free of all the drugs I had wrapped it up in, I began to think more freely and I spent a lot more time thinking. What was important to me? What did I believe? What and who did I want around me?
Ultimately, who am I. Or, more importantly, who I am!
I am happy in myself, I am not worried about what anyone else thinks of me. Obviously, I don’t want anyone to think ill of me, but I don’t mind what they think of my appearance or my possessions, and I know some find that infuriating.
As someone said the other day, I am not afraid to be me. I believe I am coming from a good place, always.
I am at peace.
I am happy.
I am happy to be me.
And I am growing, always…
Simon Pollard.
Husband, Family man, Countryman and Modern-Day Pagan, musician, speaker and author, for a start.
