We build our own mountains sometimes.
We build our own cages and put ourselves into them.
We go looking for our own blind alley, and then willingly run down it. Yep, we don’t walk, we run and we run as fast as we can, until we can’t run any further.
It’s like falling down a well, or a cave.
This happens and it’s hard. It happens to us all, it’s part of being human. It’s part of the magic of who and what we are. It’s part of the pay off we have for having some of the most amazing gifts that can ever be bestowed on an organism, a creature, a spirit, a sentient thinking thing.
And I do mean gifts too.
Imagination, perception, creativity, will, memory, reason, intuition, are, as far as we can tell, only contained in the human form. None of our brothers and sisters in the outside world have them.
And sometimes we use them to build mountains, and then we climb them.
We climb them so blindly and with such passion that they become a mission. Even to those of us that like to think we have the answers.
I just built a big one.
But I’ve decided I’m not going to climb it any more.
It’s 3.00am in the morning. I got up half an hour ago or so. I couldn’t sleep. I came home last night and picked a fight with my wife, not a big steaming row one, but a blame myself and feel lost one. I made the world about me and it isn’t. There’s been a couple of errors and a couple of opportunities to learn and it’s taken me longer to learn than it should have, so I’m here at 3.00am writing a blog.
I think my wife actually made some attempts to show me affection and pull me back up, but I was so far down my hole I couldn’t be reached. I never asked her how her day was, she might have been hurting too. I don’t know.
Generally, those things from outside our house have little effect on me, I can manage those. In fact, I help people with those. The hardest thing in that respect is not preaching. I don’t take much personally and I’m pretty good at taking responsibility for my actions.
But as humans we are not perfect, none of us are. We build our own mountains. But we have the power to make choices and that’s the important thing. We also have the power to decide when we are going to make those choices. Sometimes that’s consciously and sometimes that’s unconsciously.
I (yes, that’s me) and probably both of us went to sleep unhappy last night. I woke up at 2.00 am. I rarely wake up at night. But I was awake. I could have stayed there rolling about and letting the chimp have its way with my imagination. After all, issues are far bigger at night than they ever are when you’ve woken up.
There are many examples of that in the Three Year Pond if you’re interested.
However, I decided to get up and take advantage of being awake.
Firstly, I decided to stop climbing that mountain. Quite frankly, I don’t have time for it.
Second, if I’m going to be awake, I’m going to be productive. I didn’t know how I was going to get some things done this weekend (It’s jubilee weekend as I write this). So the blogs getting done. I’ll tidy my office, it’s become a mess. Write in my wife’s card. It’s her birthday this weekend, and I’ll get the wrapping done too. I’ve had to be out so much just lately I’ve not had time to sort out many of the basics. Do some admin too.
Third, acknowledge that because I’ve been out and so much, we’ve missed each other and built-up expectations so high it didn’t take much to forget how to communicate. Take responsibility for my actions and put things right as soon as possible.
Listen to my own teachings.
So here I am, 2 June 2022 it’s now 3.22am Blogs written, we’ve got an amazing 4 days planned. 2 gigs to play, not gigged in a while. 2 days in London. 2 shows to see. Grandchildren to spend time with. And most importantly a wife who I love dearly and means the whole world to me, firstly to put things right with, but most importantly to share a wonderful long weekend with, because amongst other important things she has a birthday to celebrate.
And I believe there also a jubilee to observe. After all, we are lucky enough to have one of the most amazing monarchs the world has ever seen reigning over us just now.
My mountains are minute compared to what she has endured and achieved.
Long live Queen Elizabeth. Long may she reign over us.